2010 Recap: BASEBALL!

I'm on vacation, so I'm going to be lazy and post some stuff you may have not seen already. This post is from October 14th. Enjoy.


I love baseball. Watching games on TV is fine, but it pales in comparison to actually going to the games in person. It’s a great time sitting in the stands, watching the game in the warm sun (a marked departure from my M-F workweek). One of the things that I’ve wanted to do is to go to all the MLB ballparks. I’ve only been to a handful, so I’ve been trying to plan a “baseball road trip” that would put a large dent in my goal to see all 30 parks.

Ever wondered what my dreams are like?

Here's a video of what my dreams look like. Watch and have your mind blown:

Cedar Rapids never looked so fun

The first trailer for the Ed Helms lead movie Cedar Rapids was just released (or at least I first saw it today. Same thing, right?). It really looks great, and it has a funny cast, including Senator Clay Davis who refernces The Wire! No, if it was just Ed Helms and Clay Davis (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.), I'd maybe see it. But it also has Maeby 
from Arrested Development in it (no word if she says "Marry me" in the movie)!


I dare you to watch the trailer and not want to see the movie. I double dog dare you!

This holiday season, get some Grit

Last day of work before Christmas break! Wooohoo! No I can do nothing and not be at work. One way that I plan on passing my time is by seeing movies (I think that was a horrible sentance, but I'm too busy dreaming about leaving to go back and correct it.). The movie that I'm most looking foreword to seeing the most is, obviously, True Grit. I just read Slate's review, and I am now even more excited. So, go see that movie so that when I post my review, I don't spoil anything for you. DO IT!

Here's the trailer, again:

The Year In Videos that Give You a Virus (aka Viral Videos)

Videogum.com has put out their year in viral videos mash-up (picture is unrelated, but very funny none-the-less). If you don't know all these videos by heart yet, they have a breakdown of where each video came from. I'd suggest you watch the kids dancing on the corner video (it's really impressive).

OBEY (My Authority)

Well, these kids sure do have a point. Authority is here to help. I'm glad that they can rock out on their (authority approved) Rock Band instruments and "create" this song. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. That's all they're talking about.

We will not go quietly into that good night. Also, congratulations to the happy couple.

Best man speeches are a tricky thing. The best man has to walk a fine line between being charming, thoughtful, and humorous without crossing into being embarrassing, boring, or crude.

Having given one of these speeches before (FYI, people cried during my speech, cripples were healed, and for a brief moment Israel and Palestine were at peace), I know what it takes. The person in the clip below also knows what it takes; and that is to steal from one of the greatest speeches in movie history. Check it out.

Squirrel!

Today's Interweb Video of the Day is of a squirrel doing amazing things just to get a little snack. This is awesome, and I want to build one of these in the park across the street from my place.

The moon went wild last night

The moon exploded last night (or something like that). Apparently the moon didn't explode, but it was swallowed up by the Earth's shadow (otherwise known as a lunar eclipse). It was a big deal, but I missed it as I was asleep (I need my Z's if I'm going to do nothing all day). Here's a time-lapse video of the moon going wild as seen from Gainesville, Florida (I think I saw the moon flash the camera at 1:15 in the video. I sure hope that it likes that trucker hat).

Happy TRON-mas

You may know that there's a new TRON movie if looked at a TV, bus ad, magazine, or newspaper (ha, remember newspapers? They used to actually be printed on paper and not just websites). But did you know that there was a TRON Holiday Special back in '82? Well there was. Check out the promo for it below (Bonus: It features Rip Taylor!)

Ice, Ice, Baby (or in this case Lighthouse)

It's damn cold here in DC, but it seems like it's been a little colder in other parts of the country. For example, in Ohio. The state is known for their chocolate peanut butter balls (which they call Buckeyes for some reason), and singing children.They're also known for Lake Erie, a lake so great that a tributary feeding the lake caught on fire. 


It's been so cold in Ohio, that a lighthouse on Lake Erie has been covered in sheets of ice. It now looks like something out of Pan's Labyrinth. Check out the video below. 

Let's take the Christ out of Christmas. After all, he's way too liberal.

It's Christmas time, and that can mean only one thing (no, not Kenny G's smooth Jazz covers of Christmas songs), the War on Christmas will be talked about ad nauseam. Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA gave a very reasonable and passionate argument as to why the Christ needs to be taken out of Christmas (no, it's not because he looks like a hippie. You're really bad at guessing today). Watch the clip below to hear this true patriot tell it like it is.

Portland, the land where Gore won

This summer I went on my first trip to the Pacific Northwest, and it was great. One of my favorite stops was Portland, the place that young people go to retire. That's the theme/setting/source of material for Fred Armisen (SNL's Barack Obama, David Patterson, etc.) and Carrie Brownstein's (of Sleater-Kinney, & Monitor Mix) new show Portlandia.

Take a look at the latest promo. After watching I'm sure that you'll want to move to Portland and start going to clown college with me.

The 30 Most Important Cats of 2010

Buzzfeed.com has a list of the 30 most important cats of 2010. It's a great list that I highly recommend. Here are some of my favorites:

Amazon really sells Wolf Urine? Cool.

Amazon.com is perhaps the greatest website on all the internet (besides this one, and a few others). You can find almost anything on Amazon, and it's at a great price. But what I really enjoy about Amazon is the customer reviews. These reviews let me know if the wolf urine I'm about to by is as good as it looks, and if it is going to attract (or detract?) wolves like I hope it will (I'm not sure what it's used for). There are a lot of great reviews that really inform the customers.

Check out Geekosystem.com for the 50 greatest amazon reviews. This is at least 20-35 minutes worth of fun (depending how fast you read and if people can see your screen). Here's a sample of one that I like a lot:

Must (not) See (black people) TV

Everyone knows that I loved the show Friends, especially Joey (whoa!). But I did notice that there weren't a lot of black people on Friends throughout it's ten seasons. I was not the only person to notice this. Here's a video detailing every black person that had a speaking role on Friends.

It's snowing...go crazy!

It's snowing here in DC. That means only one thing, time for people to freak out (are you in DC? If so, you had better be freaking the f#$% out)! We might get a grand total of 2" of snow(" means inches, not feet, right?), and work is shut down for some people. DC hasn't been this unprepared for snow since Snow (the white rapper that sang Informer) performed an impromptu free concert on the mall (there is no report that this ever happened).

Understanding movies is difficult

Some movies can be difficult to understand (why did they make a Yogi Bear movie?). Luckily, some directors make little maps to help you understand what's really going on. For example, Christopher Nolan created a detailed map to help guide him through the making of Inception. Inception wasn't even the most hard to follow movie of 2010. That honor goes to SATC 2 (Sex and the City Part 2: Electric Boogaloo for those of you not in the know).

The movie brought up so many questions, such as: Why was that movie ever made? Can I have my money back? Is that what hell is like? When they finally build a working time machine, can I use it to stop that movie from ever being made, or will that then stop the impetus that makes time travel possible (time travel is weird)?

Well, we may never know the answers to those questions (except the hell one; that is what hell is like), there is a detailed map that helps explain the plot. Here it is:

Go jump off a bridge (If you do you'll be arrested though)

Here's something to brighten your day. Watch this drunk guy jump off a bridge (no, it's not an It's a Wonderful Life clip). I know it doesn't sound like that will brighten your day, but it will. Here's what goes down: this drunk guy jumps off a bridge (the Bixby canyon bridge), while wearing a parachute, to flee the police. Fun, right? Yes.

This is why you should edit your privacy settings on Facebook...

Now, I'm not one to have random people read my every thought and whimsy (please tell your friends to read my blog!), so I restrict who can see my facebook status updates (only my cats can see my updates). Why do I do that? The answer is that I'm paranoid. It's also because I don't want to end up on reasonstohate.com. Here's how the site describes itself:

"Reasons To Hate.com uses the Facebook Public API (graph.facebook.com) and jQuery to search public Facebook Status updates and display them for you. Facebook updates are displayed live, in real-time! I’ve picked out some of my favorite gems (that lead to the most interesting comments) as well as left you a search box, so you can search for a phrase yourself.

Profile names and pictures will click through to real Facebook photos."

No posts yesterday? What gives?

I had to actually do work yesterday (sit in meetings and not talk), so I wasn't able to update yesterday. Today looks to be much less productive (as far as actually working), so there should be posts today. To make up for yesterday, here's a classic viral video from 2010 (it's Double Rainbow):

Angry Birds + Monty Python = Work time fun

Everyone loves Angry Birds (even though the backlash has already started) and everyone loves Monty Python's "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (everyone in this case is dorky people that like irreverent comedy), therefore everyone will love Camelot Smash-a-Lot.

It's an Angry Birds style game where English crusaders shoot live stock and other objects at French castles (they fart in your general direction). It's a lot of fun and I will be playing this for the rest of the day.

HAHAHA

This is the view from the Eiffle Tower after a light dusting of snow. An anonymous prankster created the giant phallus on the lawn in front of the Eiffle Tower. Next up on the giant phallus hit list: The Washington Monument.

Syphilis is a VD Vampire

Thanks to the Department of Defense's "School House Rock of VD cartoons" I now know that syphilis is a VD vampire and gonorrhea is a demon (but much less threating than syphilis). In 1973 the DoD released "The Return of Count Spirochete," which takes place at a disease award party. Spoiler Alert: Syphilis wins the Fourth Horseman Award for Disease of the Year! 


The video is about 20 minutes, so it may be too long for you to watch at work, but here's a quick link to the part of the video that explains how Count Spirochete enters the body http://goo.gl/wXkJe. If you have the time to watch the rest of the video, I highly recommend it.

Cat video of the day

Have you ever wondered what your cat did while you were asleep or at work? If so, then you need to think about more important things (there is a war going on, did you forget about that? For shame!). Anyway, here's a video of footage collected from cats wearing cameras all day. It's actually kinda cool. If that really floats your boat (different strokes for different folks), then here's a link for a $20 camera that you can attach to your cat.

The roof/ the roof/ the roof is (not) on fire! (It's actually collapsed).

God has issued his judgment on the Minnesota Vikings' season, and it didn't go well for the Vikings. They were found guilty of mass incompetence, boners, and general suckiness. Their punishment: the collapse of their home stadium, the Metrodome. The Metrodome, the NFL's 33rd ranked stadium (FYI, the NFL currently has 32 teams), is almost 30 years old, and is the reason the Viking's have said they were contemplating leaving Minnesota for LA for years. Watch the roof give into God's wrath below. Maybe this will prompt the Vikings to finally leave for LA and then win a Super Bowl (they'll never win it all in Minnesota).

Your Three Hour Work Week Holiday Gift Guide

I'm late on this, I know, but here's your official Three Hour Work Week Holiday gift guide (remember this is the only official guide, don't be fooled by imitators). Here's how this gift guide works: I'll give you one present idea for a category of person (mom, sibling, parent of small child, illegal alien, etc.). I have not done the research on if the items I've linked to are the best price out there, or if they are legal, or if they're actually real and not a goof. I do nothing as a profession and I'm not about to exert myself pro bono. Got it? Good. Here we go:

Oh Paul Rudd, "How Do You Know" if "I Love You, Man"? I'm "Clueless".

Paul Rudd is hosting this week's SNL (Yay!). It's sure to be a great time for all. It has to be better than last week's Robert De Niro snore-fest (No, snore-fest isn't any good? How about laugh-recession? Humor abortion? I give up; I'm keeping snore-fest.). Anyway, back to Mr. Rudd. Check out his SNL promos and get your hopes up.

If you enjoy safe sex and 8-bit video games, this is for you.

Everybody likes 8-bit video games (Mega Man, Super Mario Bros., Contra, etc.), and everyone hates STIs (Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, HPV, HIV, etc.), so Leicestershire’s Teenage Pregnancy Partnership (it's English, and by that I mean British) put together an awesome safer sex PSA combining the two. After watching the video, I really want to actually play the game. So, if you're good at computers (I think that is specific enough), please make this game so I can play it at work. Thanks.

This guy's job is even more pathetic then mine

I remember the first essay I ever wrote; it was about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I passed over other more obvious careers, such as a firefighter, the President, baseball player, etc., and I said "I want to write descriptions for replacement printer cartridges." Now, I'm sure most of you didn't get to do what you wanted to do either, but some people actually do.

Take for example a copywriter for InkCartridges.uk.com, he gets to write descriptions for ink cartridges all day! Here's his description of the Remanufactured HP 300 - (CC640EE) Black, ink cartridge:

I don't need to fight with fish/ Cause I spray webs from my wrists

Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is still being plagued by set-backs, but Conan has a sneak peak of the re-tooled musical before it starts up on Broadway (It now features Black Aquaman!).

In Russia, building jumps off you.

Have you ever seen a tall building covered in snow and thought "I should rig a weird sledding/bungee system and slide off the top and nearly plummet to my death"? Well then, apparently you're not living through extreme cold, corrupt government, rampant alcoholism, and the the loss of Yakov Smirnoff to the USA. This is otherwise known as being Russian.

Check out the video of some Russian kid sliding off a building on a home-made bungee cord. It's really entertaining (since they don't get hurt or die):

Kid do (steal) the dardest things

Two six year-olds were caught robbing a house this weekend. They stole Candyland, Little Debbie's Fudge Rounds (I seriously ate two of those a day throughout high school), two hammers, pickled vegetables (I figure they thought that they'd need some veggies in them after eating a whole box of fudge rounds), some money, and some cigarettes. Crazy kids. 


The craziest part? One of the kids pulled out a fairly real looking BB gun when approached by a cop. Oh, those crazy kids. Always robbing homes and pulling out weapons when approached by the police.

Tracy Morgan loves Star Wars

I don't think that Tracy Morgan really plays Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock. I think Tracy Jordan is Tracy Morgan. Watch him explain Star Wars on Jimmy Fallon and I think you'll agree. All he's missing is the big TJ necklace around his neck.

Jesus is a jerk

Internet meme's are funny (some of the time). One that I'm a big fan of is Jesus is a jerk (also known as Jesus is a dick, or Asshole Jesus). It's funny to picture Jesus hanging out with people and ragging on them. It makes him more relateable.

Why do bad things happen to the Wet Bandits?

Don't you just hate it when bad things happen to good people? In this case the good people I'm talking about are a couple of hard-working, blue-collar types. The original Joe the Plumbers, the Wet Bandits. All they were trying to do was redistribute wealth from some suburban families and give it to those less fortunate (themselves). 

Now you can undo all the harms inflicted on the Wet Bandits during Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, just by hitting play on the video below. You should do it because it's fun sure, but you should do it because it's right.

Baby pandas are so dumb

Baby Pandas are cute, but they're also really gullible. They'll totally believe you if you tell them that gullible isn't in the dictionary. They'll also believe that researchers in giant panda suits (as in suits that are designed to look like the animal the giant panda, not panda suits that are themselves giant) are actually giant pandas (see previous parenthetical statement for clarification).

Louis CK is funnier than you (and me, and almost everyone)

Louis CK is hilarious. His show Louie was one of the funniest shows of the year. If you haven't watched that yet, get on it (it's on FX's website and Netflix instant streaming, so you have no excuse)!

He's even funny on Jay Leno (I know, I thought that was impossible too). Check out this clip of him being funny on Jay Leno last night:

Today is boring, but this video isn't

I'm pretty sure time has stopped moving. That's the only way possible that it's only 3:00pm, and not the end of the day. Anyway, here's an awesome video that will make time fly as you watch it (seriously, that's the best I can do right now). It's a video of a RC air plane flying around NYC. It's way cooler then this post so stop reading this and watch the video.

Small animal overload! No, that is not a ripoff of cuteoverload.com (yes it is)

Sad about being back at work? Me too. Here are some small animals that are (trying to think of another word besides "cute") cute (damn you small brain of mine!) to help you make it through the day with out stabbing your coworkers (aka a case of the Mondays).


First, Mozilla is live streaming cuteness straight from the Knoxville Zoo. Pop over to Firefoxlive.org to watch baby Red Pandas frolic.


Second, check out these ducklings battle some strong winds:

I'm up in the woods (or could be soon)

Sometimes I get sick of the city life and want to get away to the wilderness. Thankfully, land out in the wilderness is fairly inexpensive (even if it's part of U.S. history). I'm thinking of buying some property in Montana (former owner THE UNABOMBER!!), and maybe taking up fishing, wood carving, or other manly things. I'd also have a lot more time to focus on my writing (I mean real writing, not this linking to random videos stuff I'm doing now), and get back into sending real written corresponding with people. You know, the old fashion way.

These deals are so good, you'll thank Jesus (In person)

Have you been reading the news and thinking to yourself "Hmm, things are pretty bad. I think we're getting close to the second coming of Jesus"? No? Well this guy has, and he decided the best way to prepare for that is to have a sale. Check out the commercial below. 

Goddamn that Beck. He's gone and screwed with Donald Duck's brain.

No one is safe from Glenn Beck's insane ramblings, not even Donald Duck. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, he's done it now.

Sneak peak at The Walking Dead's season finale

Here's a sneak peak at this week's The Walking Dead season finale. It looks like things are going to dramatically change for the survivors and a new character will be introduced. Check it out.

G.A.Y.S. (Guys Against You Serving) are for DADT

Thanks to the people over at Funny or Die for putting out this video of celebrities stating why they don't want gays in the military. I'm surprised they couldn't get McCain to appear, he's used to be okay with being in funny videos.

A complete serving of meat news.

You've heard of Meat Boy, well meet Tofu Boy. Tofu Boy is PETA's (you know, the people that make vegetarians look bad) response to the wildly successful video game character. Basically, Super Tofu Boy is exactly the same as Super Meat Boy (which the developers of Super Meat Boy noticed), except that the hero is made of tofu, and the villain is Meat Boy. Go ahead and play it.


In other meat related (but not really meat at all) news, Kevin Bacon (see that's where the "meat" theme comes in. Clever right?) stars in the new online ad for the Logitech Revue (aka Google TV).

Today is the Greatest!

Today's pretty awesome. It's not raining, so that's good. NASA is going to announce that they've found new life on Titan (as in new types of life unlike like here on earth. It's crazy stuff). The EU is proposing banning branding on cigarette packaging. And most importantly, the soda machine in my building gave me two Diet Cokes for the price of one. Today is the greatest.

Resist the Green Dragon! No, I'm not talking about weed, I'm talking about environmentalism.

There's a new threat to our children (not that you and me have any children together), and it's the most dangerous threat since Harry Potter, Obama speaking to children in schools, or pick your own crazy threat to our children (seriously, we don't have any kids, right? I'm starting to worry that I've missed something). The new nefarious plot to kill/de-God-ify the next generation is the "green movement". 

Who's Doctor Who? Ask Craig Ferguson. Who's Craig Ferguson? Oh, come on!

I like geeky sci-fi (not sci-fy) crap as much as the next guy, which means that I like Doctor Who. Doctor Who, for those of you that don't know, is a British series that's been airing (off and on) since 1963 about a man (he's not really a man...he's an alien) traveling through time (in a old police call box) and saving the world from evil robots, an different alien race that looks like large studded-traffic cones. Sounds awesome right? Heck yeah it does. 


For a more entertaining explanation of Doctor Who, check out Craig Ferguson's (really, he's really funny. you should watch his show, or at least clips from it online) intro from his Doctor Who themed show (below). If you're interested, seasons 1-5 are live streaming on Netflix.

Make your desktop look cool!

Are you sick of your desktop looking like a grassy knoll? How about you change it to look like a zombie hand is reaching in from the side of your screen? Much better. Zombies aren't your thing? Maybe Bobba Fett? Okay, chances if you're not into zombies, then you're not into Star Wars either. Up! may be more your style.